How to Get the Girl
By Thomas P. Farley
Does this sound familiar? You’ve finally worked up the guts to ask an attractive woman you’ve started hanging out with on a date, and she replies with a sympathetic smile and a cliche: “You’re a great guy. But I would hate to ruin our friendship.”
If that’s you, you’ve probably wondered why it is that the guys who treat women like afterthoughts -- rather than the amazing catches they are -- always seem to get the girl. We asked relationship experts this very question, and here is what they said: They don’t.
“It’s a myth that nice guys finish last,” says advice columnist, on-air host and author Andrea Syrtash. “Kindness is consistently ranked as one of the top attributes both men and women are seeking.” If you’re batting zero, say our experts, you don’t need to take a crash course in cruelty; you just need to change your strategy.
Learn the difference between nice and too nice.
Make your intentions clear.
It’s also true that some women really are attracted to bad boys. Your object should be to avoid them at all cost. “A woman who’s only interested in jerks will be a nightmare to date,” says Syrtash. “The jerk might land her, but he will have his hands full soon enough.” Says Steinberg: “Don’t waste your time.”
And you can take heart in the fact that you will be vindicated eventually. “Sooner or later, a woman who dates a string of jerks is going to get sick of it,” says Syrtash. “If she’s healthy and intelligent, she will come to realize that kindness ranks very high in terms of what’s great in a man.”
By the time she reaches her senses, however, you’ll long since have moved on to a woman who values and loves your kindness and confidence -- proof positive that yes, indeed, nice guys can finish first.
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Thomas P. Farley Nice guy Thomas P. Farley is the creator of the blog What Manners Most, the nightlife correspondent for “Citybuzz” (seen on JetBlue and Continental Airlines flights nationwide) and the host of the Web television show “New York Insider TV.” He is a regular feature writer for Men’s Life Today, and you can follow him @mistermanners and @newyorkinsider.
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