My best friend is a girl. I’m in love with her, and it’s killing me. If I tell her, I risk losing the friendship. If I don’t, I risk losing out on an amazing relationship. What should I do?
First of all, this is a very common scenario, so don’t feel funny about it. And if it is eating away at you as much as you say it is, you’ve got to put it out there -- as much for the actual answer as for your own sanity. The fact is the relationship dynamic is already being affected now that you have these feelings. I think your bigger regret would come from not finding out where it can go.
One of the best ways for you to set this in motion is to create an opportunity. If you normally just hang out, plan a get-together that’s a little more romantic. Take her to dinner at a restaurant with nice lighting or go ice skating and follow it up by a cup of hot chocolate. When you’re with her, be flirtatious. Share compliments that she’s not used to hearing from you (but make sure they’re genuine, otherwise they’ll come off as cheesy). Through all of this, try to suss her out. Does she seem receptive? Uncomfortable? Oblivious? If you can’t get a read, you might want to have “the talk” by sending her an email. Putting your feelings in writing will allow her to digest and consider them without feeling the pressure of an in-person chat. Another option is to ask a trusted mutual friend to act as an intermediary.
Whatever you do, make sure you act with confidence. If you’re skittish, she’s going to become uncomfortable too. You can’t be too subtle or she’ll miss your intentions entirely. Just don’t show up with a dozen roses and a stretch limo -- which will definitely leave her wondering, “Now where did that come from?!”The best relationships are built on solid friendships. I'm a big believer that if both people in a friendship are available and attracted, transitioning their friendship to a romantic relationship is a wonderful idea. Remember that to find love, you have to take a few risks along the way.
Andrea Syrtash is a relationship expert and the author of He’s Just Not Your Type (And That’s a Good Thing). More of her insights, and episodes of her show “On Dating,” can be found on her website, AndreaSyrtash.com. Follow her on Twitter at @AndreaSyrtash.
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