By Hamish Carpenter
Some of the biggest names in the history of professional basketball have sported downright crazy mug manes to complement their cute little shorts. We pick our faves -- from today’s all-stars to the NBA’s Hall of Fame hairballs.
Facial Hairstyle All-star No. 1: Baron Davis
The Knicks’ point guard has a beard so full it gets to the basket about two steps ahead of him. It’s not that it’s not well-groomed -- it is -- but if he caught a pass in there, you’d have to call a time-out while a search posse went in after it.
Facial Hair Style All-star No. 2: Kurt Rambis
With his black-framed glasses, long blond hair and junior-high-lookin’ lip brush, the former Laker forward looked like the kid your mom wouldn’t let you hang out with in high school … who now owns a Fortune 500 company. “That kid’s going nowhere!”
Facial Hairstyle All-star No. 3: Drew Gooden
The Milwaukee Buck power forward once rocked a beard that looked like a row of hairy (and scary) stalactites. This was the goatee from hell, serving up multiple downward pinnacles, each hanging at least 1/4 inch below Drew’s chin-do.
Facial Hairstyle All-star No. 4: James Harden
The Oklahoma City Thunder guard has been making big noise with his backboard-thick Afro-beard beneath his chin. He bundles it with a matching Mohawk to complete his captivating “Invite a Road Warrior for Dinner” look.
Facial Hairstyle All-star No. 5: James Edwards
The former center for the “Bad Boy” Detroit Pistons had mutton chops that wrapped around an accompanying sneer like a couple of tire irons Velcro’d to his face. His yearbook shots were suitable for framing … for an “America’s Most Wanted” poster.
Facial Hairstyle All-star No. 6: DeShawn Stevenson
New Jersey Nets fans haven’t had much to cheer about this season (or virtually any other) except the majesty of DeShawn’s chinscape. It’s every bit as thick as Davis’s or Harden’s, but finely chiseled to a triangular point. The effect is akin to a Muslim cleric with a mean jump shot.
The coach who has won the most NBA championships (11) couldn’t have done it (and didn’t) without his signature facial forest. A member of the Knicks’ legendary 1969-1970 World Championship team, “The Zen Master” sported a hippie-style full beard which seemed to take root and flower with each championship win.
Facial Hairstyle All-star No. 8: Scot Pollard
While never an all-star, the recently retired, 11-season journeyman Samurai Scot rocked more unique beards than an Amish wedding. His gallery included a relatively regular Grizzly Adams look; an upper-lip, brushless Abe Lincoln; and a Hall of Fame–worthy pair of pigtails beneath his chinny-chin-chin.
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Photo: Getty Images
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Hamish Carpenter is a New York City–based freelance writer who regularly writes for Maxim, Stuff and other men’s magazines.
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