What Women Hate About Your Jeans

You might not think twice about throwing on your favorite pair of jeans -- but maybe you should. After all, choose the wrong pair of pants and the woman you’re after probably won't want to get into them.

At least, that's what the girls of the Men’s Life Today Girl Panel™ seem to be telling us. We asked them which jeans-wearing habits they despise. It turns out there are quite a few of them. For the sake of space, we give you their top ten…

The Panel

Hali
27

Michelle
27

Allison
25

Veronica
24

Kristin
23

Lawrese
22


The Panel’s Pant Peeves:


1.Pants worn high and tight

“I don’t want to see any silhouettes of what’s underneath.” -Hali

“Avoid the mom jeans look at all costs. I'm looking at you, Obama.” -Veronica

 
2.Low-riders

“No crack peeks!” -Hali

“In the words of every old person ever, ‘Pull your pants up!’ Who finds that attractive? And how do you even walk like that?” -Veronica

“Exposing your undergarments won’t get me to show you mine.” -Lawrese

 
3. Skinny jeans

“Don’t suffocate your knee caps ….or other areas.” -Lawrese

 “If they're skinnier than mine, we have a problem.” -Kristin

 
4. Baggy jeans

“I haaaaate when guys wear baggy jeans. I'm not saying they need to be lady-tight, but baggy jeans make everything look so 90s. I'm not trying to date Eddie Vedder.” -Veronica

 
5. Wrong lengths

“I can’t stand it when a man’s jeans are too short. Even if everything else is stylish, he’ll still look like George Costanza.” -Michelle

“Jeans shouldn’t be too short or too long. They're both turn-offs. Also, a good hem job goes a long way.” -Allison

 
6. Light and bright washes

“I like a good pair of gray jeans, but I think a lot of men get trends like that wrong when they try. When in doubt, a dark blue wash always works. The darker the better.” -Michelle

 “Colored jeans are never acceptable, unless you're in the circus.” -Kristin 

 
7. Excessive embellishments

“No rhinestones or studs or what-have-you. Unless you’re in a mariachi band or Jay Manuel.” -Veronica

“I don’t want a man who wears jeans with a brand across his butt.” -Lawrese

 
8.Pants past their prime

“Jeans should be replaced if you’ve grown six inches and lost 20 pounds since you bought them.” -Hali

“When the hem is dangling off and dragging behind you, it's time for the trash.” -Kristin

“Holes in your jeans that make you look like you got shot. If you have them, it’s time to replace them.” -Lawrese

 
9. High-end jeans
“I think it's weird when a guy has uber designer jeans, like Rock & Republic with huge ‘R’s on the back. Who ya trying to impress, bud?” -Veronica
 
10. …And low-end jeans
“Cheap jeans are usually paired with ugly shirts and bad looks. They send the message that a guy is either cheap all around, or dressed by his mother.” -Allison
 

How Much Wooing Is Too Much?

Whether it’s professing love at first sight, loading her down with gifts or orchestrating a midnight mariachi band outside her window, some guys will say or do anything to woo the girl they want. But when do grand words and gestures cross into crazy-land?

We ask the Men’s Life Today Girl Panel™ to weigh in on real tales of wooing, as in which ones are sweet … and which are borderline psychotic. Take notes.

The Panel:

Lauren, 30

Veronica, 24

Lawrese, 22

Natalia, 25

Real Tales of Wooing


“A guy in high school once stole a picture of me as a little kid from my house, had it printed on a T-shirt, and wore it to school.”

Our panelist says:

“Now that is creepy. But I’d laugh if a guy brought me a cheesy T-shirt! Don’t be afraid to surprise her with something silly, especially if it has to do with an inside joke between the two of you.” -- Veronica

The Verdict:

Creepy.

“I was talking to this guy I liked on the phone when he told me to go outside to check out the moon that he was looking at from his dorm window hundreds of miles away. When I got outside, he was there to greet me.”

Our panelist says:

“Guys should make a surprise appearance every now and again.” -- Lawrese

The Verdict:

Sweet.

“A guy I was dating (not so seriously) got me real diamond earrings for my birthday.”

Our panelist says:

“They say diamonds are forever, and so they should be given to someone you know you’ll be with forever.” -- Lauren

The Verdict:

Creepy.

“I was on my way home from a family vacation when the guy I was dating snuck into my family’s house mid-blizzard to turn on the heat so we’d be warm when we got home.”

Our panelist says:

“I like that he snuck in so she could be warm. It would only be creepy if they weren’t dating!” -- Natalia

The Verdict:

Sweet.

“After keeping score of our scrabble game on the back of my business card, my date kept the card and used the address on it to send flowers to my office the next week.”

Our panelist says:

“I prefer to keep gifts to birthdays, holidays and anniversaries, but it’s OK to throw in surprise flowers a few days a year for good measure. -- Veronica

The Verdict:

Sweet.

“A kid I met online one summer took me out to dinner once. Four days later, he had called me, left a voicemail and texted me three times. I responded to say I wasn’t interested in him. Later that summer, he texted me again to offer me a VIP card to a club I like and another chance to go out with him.”

Our panelist says:

“I guess I would call that persistent. But after you tell someone you’re not interested, that kind of crosses the line.” -- Lawrese

The Verdict:

Creepy.

“A guy I’d gone out with only once before offered to cook me dinner at his apartment.”

Our panelist says:

“Making dinner is a thoughtful and cute gesture, but at this point seems like a ploy to get her over.” -- Lauren

The Verdict:

Creepy.

Getting the Girl -- Without Losing Your Friends

For most guys, the prospect of approaching a cute girl is too daunting to attempt alone. You need your buddies around you for a bit of support and a safe place to return to just in case, you know, it goes a bit sideways. But your pals may not be what you need when you’re trying to make a move. In fact, if the same girl catches the eye of one (or more) of your friends, it could make things rather messy. So what’s a guy to do?

Scratch Each Other’s Backs
According to dating expert and author Jay Cataldo, it pays to establish a “bro code” at the outset, before you go out with your pals. “True friends don’t compete for girls,” he says. “When I’m interested in a girl we’ve all just met, I will call ‘dibs’ on her and my friends will back off and support my gaming efforts. In other words, they’ll be good wingmen.” Needless to say, you need to do the same for them. (And you certainly don’t need an Excel spreadsheet, but try to be fair. If two of you call dibs simultaneously, the guy who hasn’t had a date in three months wins.)

Guys who take this approach can be a huge asset to one another, adds Adam LaDolce, dating expert and author of Being Alone Sucks! “You can boost each other’s value in the eyes of a woman. If your friend is taking the initiative, support him. Look at him when he’s talking, laugh at his jokes. Tell a story about how funny or awesome he is. Help him, and he’ll do the same for you next time.”

Play to Win (If You Must)
If there’s no way around a contest -- for instance, if you’re out with guys you don’t know that well (or guys who aren’t interested in a “bro code”) -- then Cataldo advises outgunning them. “Display as much alpha-ness as you can until she starts showing signs of attraction,” he says. “Talk louder than the other guys and try to control the conversational topic. Hold strong eye-contact with the girl when speaking directly to her, but glance around the room when she speaks to you. Give her friends more attention than her. And tease her in front of the group.”

This strategy can work (and a group of guys like this would probably just respect you if it did), but keep it as a last resort. Chances are the other guys won’t back down so easily, and most girls find it a turnoff when guys compete over them … meaning everyone loses. Besides, competing for the same girl runs counter to the “many fish” mentality. Cultivate this mindset and you’ll find yourself in a much better position than the guys swarming around the hottest girl in the room like sharks to chum.

Take the “Many Fish” Approach
“Once you realize there are many girls out there for you to meet, you won’t get so hung up on one,” explains LaDolce. “And the key to this is learning how to talk to several different women in an evening.” If that just doesn’t sound like you, try to make yourself do it anyway. Start with women you’re not that interested in; your confidence will grow naturally with repetition and experience, and by the time it comes to talking to a girl you’re attracted to, the pressure will be off just as you’re hitting your stride.

Then, right when she shows some interest, move on. “The best way to get a girl’s attention is to be the guy who’s bouncing around talking to other girls at the party,” says LaDolce. “Don’t worry if your friends are talking to her. Speak to five other nearby women. Believe me, she’ll notice you!”

Photo: @iStockphoto.com/MivPiv


The Bad Breakup Recovery Plan

Nothing brings on an emotional apocalypse like being ditched by the woman you love. It’s Cupid’s evil twin kicking you in the gut, and it seems the only option is to wallow in misery. With your confidence broken, it’s hard to face the world again.

The truth is, many have been there before and lived to tell the tale. We talked to relationship experts to find out the quickest and most pain-free way to turn your mindset around -- because it is, after all, all about attitude -- and get back on that horse. This is their advice.

1. Avoid the Rebound
“Don’t wallow in your bad feelings and then stagger out there before you’re ready,” says Tina Tessina, a relationships counselor and the author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again. “You’re just going to set yourself up for the same situation all over again.”

If you’re still feeling like a basket case, you’ll come off like a basket case, and that’s not the “you” you want to put out there. There’s a difference between allowing some time to let the wounds heal and pining over a lost cause.

2. Do Something Manly
According to David Wygant, a relationships expert and the author of Always Talk to Strangers: 3 Simple Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life, it’s important to get away for a weekend. “Book a vacation. I don’t care what your budget is. Go away by yourself or bring a great friend and do something manly,” he advises. “Go kayaking or sailing on a lake, go for a hike, go camping with the boys.”

Whichever activity you choose, the most important thing is to go with trusted buddies and to make yourself a promise. “You must make a pact that you will not weep the entire weekend about how much you miss her.”

It’s too easy to get in the habit of feeling depressed. Doing something manly serves as a reminder of all the other things we enjoy. It gives us the confidence to carry on.

3. Figure out What You Want
The healing process is about forging a new commitment to yourself and identifying your needs in a partner. “This is really important,” says Wygant. “Make a list of what your future girlfriend needs to be like -- what she needs to look like, yes, but also how you want to feel around her, what you want to do with her. The clearer you are about what you want, the more fun dating is going to be when you get back into it.”

Without knowing what you’re looking for, you’ll keep walking into the same situation as before: “The same exact woman who is going to teach you the same exact lessons,” says Wygant. You don’t want to end up back where you started.

4. Take a Position -- Serious or Casual
It’s worth developing the same kind of understanding for your current state. “Do you want to date casually for the next six months to a year and not get involved with anyone?” asks Wygant. “Then be good with that.” This isn’t a feeling to hide either. Girls will actually respect your honesty.

Whether you decide to keep things casual at first or look for a serious commitment, simply taking a position bolsters your confidence. It puts you in control of an aspect of your life that was earlier stripped away.

5. Now Get Back in the Game
Once you’re feeling good, you’ve considered what you want in a relationship, and you’ve identified your needs, it’s time to get back on that horse. “Pick five places where you enjoy meeting women,” suggests Wygant. These could be coffee shops, the gym, a running club, wherever. But remember: This is about recommitting to yourself and meeting like-minded individuals. Choose the places you’re comfortable in. “Those are the places you go to meet people because then you’ll always have something to talk about,” explains Wygant. “Then you won’t get frustrated during this whole process.”

6. Have an Abundant Mindset
Developing an abundant mindset is like always seeing the glass as being half-full. It eliminates your suffering because you believe that even better relationships will come. “This is not the end of the world,” says Tessina. “It may feel like it at first, but it’s just the first experience of many.” Or, as Wygant says, “This is not the only person in the world that is ever going to love you.”

So don’t feel down. Recognize the breakup as the opportunity it is: a time to reconnect with yourself and to determine your own path in life and love.

How to Fight

There’s nothing like the beginning of a relationship. That giddy, soft-focus feeling, when every mushy pop song out there seems to be written just for you. But what about the day the music stops? The first time a couple fights is like Cupid’s arrow in reverse; just like that, all the gooey love turns into yelling and name-calling. It’s a shock, especially after that glorious honeymoon period. Both sides end up wounded and wondering, “What could have gone so wrong?”

Not to worry -- good news is at hand. Not only is nothing wrong, but there are all kinds of ways it can get better.

Learn the Ground Rules
“Some people believe that happy couples don’t fight,” says psychotherapist and relationship expert Dr. Patty Ann Tublin. “Not true. The difference between happy and unhappy couples is how they fight -- constructively or destructively.”

The key is to fight fair, and that means obeying a few simple ground rules. For instance, stay on topic. “Don’t say ‘Oh and another thing … ’ and drag in all kinds of different issues,” says Tublin. “Stick to the subject.” Another important rule: If things start to get out of hand, remove yourself from the situation. “If there’s name-calling and shouting, just say, ‘This conversation isn’t productive anymore. Let’s revisit this at another time.’”

Check Your Expectations

Even before the argument begins, it helps to recognize what’s normal. According to Alisa Bowman, author of Project Happily Ever After, not every dispute needs resolution. Relationships have limits. “Your significant other is not going to be your everything,” explains Bowman. “You won’t always agree, and you won’t always be able to convert the other side to your view -- sometimes you have to agree to disagree. And that’s OK.”

Equally important is understanding that there’s no such thing as winning. “If you win,” says Bowman, “then the other half loses, so in the end you both lose. Your relationship is in worse shape than it was before.” What’s more, the “loser” may harbor resentment, which may in turn fuel the next fight. And so the cycle continues.

Step Back

In Bowman’s experience, many fights boil down to a feeling of not being heard, but we react to this feeling dysfunctionally. “We raise our voices, and that just escalates the fight. It causes people to shut down. Paradoxically, the louder you yell, the less you are heard.” The solution, she says, is to say less and listen more. “If your girlfriend’s yelling at you, don’t fight back. Listen and ask questions. If you know how to do it, you feel really powerful. You can say to yourself: ‘I know I’m a good person, you know I’m a good person, you’re just forgetting it right now.’ It's like a Jedi mind-trick.”

There’s nothing easy about Jedi mind-tricks, of course, especially in the heat of battle. But you can practice without having lots of fights. “Everyone knows someone who talks too much or who’s angry and bitter,” says Bowman. “They’re the ones you practice on. Just practice listening.”

Understand the Triggers

Couples tend to fight over relatively trivial matters, but beneath that complaint, there often lies a more profound emotional issue. “It’s usually a core issue from childhood that’s triggered when we fight,” says marriage counselor Sharon Rivkin, author of Breaking The Argument Cycle: How to Stop Fighting Without Therapy. “And in order to really fight fair, we need to know what we’re actually fighting about. So I ask people: ‘Why did it make you so mad when he arrived late? Have you ever felt this way before?’”

Digging into one’s childhood to process a blowup over tardiness may sound a bit extreme, but the very act of asking these questions and looking beyond the fight is itself helpful. “No one knows what is going to trigger your girlfriend into feeling upset until it has happened,” explains Rivkin. “But once you learn what that trigger is, you gain empathy and compassion for her. It will bring you closer.”

Act Early
Finally, don’t wait for your 15th fight to start putting this advice into action. “Your first fights are precious, because at the start of a relationship, you’re more likely to be kind,” says Rivkin. “Once you let resentment build, then that can change -- some couples actually try to trigger each other into fights, and it becomes all about blame and shame.”

So when that first fight starts, embrace it. The honeymoon period may have ended, but your real relationship is just beginning.

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