I had a friend in high school -- let’s call him Dean. One-on-one, Dean and I had great times; we traded stories, shared adventures, confided in each other. But in a group, Dean changed. He would dismiss me offhandedly, make jokes at my expense, sometimes even physically shove me aside (not roughly, but still).

Looking back, I see now that Dean was a classic “frenemy” -- he wore the mask of a friend, but was really working against me. The term used to be confined to women, but as my frenemy Dean shows, the concept can apply equally well to men.

Signs of a Male Frenemy
Just as men and women behave differently, male frenemies act a little differently from the female variety. For example, says Chris Illuminati, co-author of A**hole.ol.o.gy: The Science Behind Getting Your Way -- And Getting Away With It, while female frenemies know that they’re screwing you over, men are more inclined to think that what they’re doing is no big deal. “Male frenemies are the guys who you just don't know where you stand with them,” says Illuminati. “One day they’re your best buddies, and the next they've done something to stab you in the back. It's usually over a girl but it can be extended to screwing you over in the workplace or with other friends.”

Indeed, hiding (or not even fully recognizing) their true nature is a key characteristic of the frenemy. Typically, points out Debbie Mandel, a relationship counselor and author of Addicted to Stress, a male frenemy is smooth, alert, and friendly face-to-face, but becomes subversive, undermining, and critical behind the scenes. “He can steal a guy’s woman for the fun of it ­-- to possess her because he can,” says Mandell. “He can undermine him in social gatherings with the guys by slinging the barbs or making fun of him… even betray a few confidences.”

Motives of the Male Frenemy
If you’ve been on the receiving end of such behavior, you’ve probably wondered: What could possibly motivate such blatant douchery? Why do frenemies act the way they do?

Illuminati thinks it all stems from jealousy. He theorizes that a frenemy probably genuinely likes you, but is jealous of some specific quality of yours that makes him want to see you fail. Mandel agrees, though adds that frenemies are unhappy with themselves and believe that by putting you down, it’s lifting them up.

Marc Rudov, the self-described “No-Nonsense Man” and Fox News commentator, has a different take altogether. He sees the male frenemy phenomenon as a symptom of a societal trend in which men are acting more and more like women. “A lot of this behavior is teenage girl behavior,” Rudov says. “Today’s guys are more like girls. There’s a whole wave of feminization of boys, and I think [frenemy behavior] is the result of that.”

Conquering the Male Frenemy
So how do you deal with a frenemy? It should be easy: De-friend him, just like you’d do on Facebook. That’s exactly what Rudov recommends. But what if your frenemy is part of a circle of friends? That’s clearly a more delicate situation, but there are still a few things you can do:

“Keep it light and superficial,” says Mandel. “There will be other guys to hang with in that circle, so concentrate on them.”

Illuminati takes it a step further; he suggests letting your other friends know that you don’t trust the frenemy. But be prepared. “You've got to have concrete examples of him being a douche,” he says.

Rudov’s advice is the simplest, and maybe best, of all: Rise above it. “If you have confidence in yourself, and you don’t worry about other guys, then you don’t really care.”

Photo Credit: ©iStockphoto.com/Stockphoto4u

Going out for the varsity football team? The company dodgeball league? The New England Patriots? (OK, scratch that last one -- potential Patriots probably don’t need our advice.) Whatever your team tryout situation, there are six strategies every future hall of famer (or weekend warrior) can use to grab the coaches’ attention:

Be Pre-pumped
As they say, an ounce of muscle is worth a pound of fat (or something like that). Don’t wait until the week before tryouts to hit the gym. Remember this: While you’re lounging around the house nursing a bowl of Cocoa Puffs and watching “SpongeBob,” someone else who wants your position is already up and running, getting in shape.

Stand out From the Crowd
We’re not saying you should draw attention to yourself by, say, singing “Pants on the Ground.” (You probably won’t make the team based on that ability -- or lack thereof.) But doing certain little things -- like running all the way through the finish line, taking that second shot at a rebound, putting out that extra bit of effort during position drills and otherwise playing hard through the whistle -- gets coaches’ attention.

Be a Leader
Maybe you’ve been playing your sport since you were knee-high to a shortstop. But there will be other guys on the field who won’t even know which end zone to run to. Sure, you could just laugh at ’em. Or you could take them under your wing and help cut their learning curve. While you might not believe it (or want to admit it), there was a day when you stepped onto the field for the first time. Coaches respect leadership. Other players do too.

Be Coachable
No matter how good an athlete you may be or what level you’re playing at, there is a hierarchy in sports. Simply put, the coach is the general, you’re the private, and tryouts and preseason practices are boot camp. While working on “mundane” skills might be boring, good coaches put a lot of effort into drilling you with the fundamentals. Slam dunks may make headlines, but free throws win games. Don’t ignore a coach’s constructive criticism just because you want to be the brightest flash in the pan.

Have Skills
Some people are born with them; others have to work a lot harder to develop them. But nothing will get you a spot on the roster faster than having hands of glue, lightning-fast speed or “natural instinct” for your sport. And no matter how good you are, you can always get better. (See Training Strategies section below.)

Be Versatile
Ever since you were a kid, you dreamed about playing quarterback in the Super Bowl. But right now, the coach needs you for defensive end -- or maybe he just thinks your talents would be better suited to that position. Either way, be flexible -- a team player, as they say. Otherwise, maybe you’d be better off taking up an individual sport.

Bonus: Training Strategies

As we mentioned above in the Have Skills section, actually having abilities to perform well in a particular sport will take you far. Here are a few general talents you need and a quickie guide on how to get them:

• Grip: Most sports benefit from -- make that require -- a powerful grip (e.g., holding a racket, golf club or baseball bat; making a shoe string tackle; or putting the right spin on a bowling ball). Training via dead lifts, the “fat bar” or the “Farmers Walk” (an exercise requiring you to walk holding heavy dumbbells) can give you a handshake you can be proud of.
• Hips: In every sport, from Aussie-rules football to ultimate flying disc, your hips are your prime power source. Instead of doing set after set of abdominal crunches, focus on hip-dominant exercises such as squats, dead lifts, cleans (lifting a barbell from the floor to your shoulders) and lunges. Depending on your particular sport, variations of these exercises could emphasize different speeds, rep ranges, plane of motion, etc.
• Footwork: Sooner or later, most sports require you to get from point A to B. Nothing will get you the position of equipment manager faster than getting tripped up by your own two feet. Try jumping rope, doing ladder drills -- heck, even ballroom dancing -- to get your left foot to play along with your right.

The Summer Olympics may come only once every four years, but the (tiki) torch lighting of your own Beach Olympics can happen any time -- as long as you’ve got sand, water, a volleyball net, a plastic flying disc and that age-old desire to pummel your buddies in contests of strength and stamina.

“Competing in events and being out on the beach brings out the inner athlete in everyone,” says Michelle Knight, co-owner of Adventures by the Sea, a Monterey, Calif.-based adventure-planning outfit.

Organizing tip No. 1: Limit your olympiad to a couple of hours at most so energy won’t drop and tempers won’t rise. Tip No. 2: Plan the individual events carefully.

“Choose games that will really appeal to everyone and match your group’s fitness level,” says Cynthia Shon, president of Bay Area, Calif.-based Corporate Games, an organization that helps companies foster team building among employees. “Remember that running around on sand is not easy.”

The events below -- picked by our dream team of athletic contest-organizing experts -- should ease your burden. And heck, most of these will work in a grassy park if there’s no beach around. What to use for gold medals is up to you.

Beach Volleyball
This is the one must-do contest in any Beach Olympics. Anyone who’s ever taken gym class already knows how to play. And thanks to the sand, taking a heroic dive for the ball will make you look like a stud without scraping or bruising. Traditional volleyball rules work great, but if you’ve got eight or more people, Kevin Vander Vliet, owner of Team Building California suggests this variation: Create four teams and set up four nets connecting at 90-degree angles in the center. (So the nets form an X.) If the ball’s served to you, you can hit it across to any of the other three teams. Normal rules for serves and point scoring apply. “It’s a lot of fun because if you have one team that’s really good, the others can gang up to beat them,” says Vander Vliet.
Official rules: Volleyball.com/rules.aspx

Sand Ultimate
This is another easy-to-organize, fun-to-play favorite. But when you’re on sand, the going is too slow for people to be sprinting all around the playing area, like in typical Ultimate. So Shon applies slightly different rules. “We mark off assigned boxes where one person from each team stays. That way there’s less running but people are still diving for the frisbee,” she says.
Official rules: UltimateHandbook.com

Flying Disc Golf
It’s adaptable to the terrain of just about any beach and easy to set up. If you’re using teams, then play by “scramble” rules like in real golf. Here’s how it goes: Everyone tees off. Choose whose throw on your team was the best, and then you and all your teammates take your second shot from where that disc landed. Repeat until reaching the end of the hole. “There’s great team interaction. There are always some people who have rarely, if ever, thrown a frisbee, and the other team members really get into teaching and helping them,” says Knight.
Official rules: Pdga.com/rules

Tug of War
This one needs little explaining. You can buy a thick rope made especially for the sport at FlagHouse.com. If you’re really ambitious, you can dig a shallow “pit of shame” for the losers to fall into.

Balloon Launch
A surprise favorite among the experts, chosen because it involves strength, aim and luck -- and requires the kind of open space a beach provides. You’ll need a three-person balloon launcher. (There’s one available at Amazon.com.) Then, instead of the hassle of filling up balloons, use foam balls (available at sporting goods stores) and soak them in water before you shoot. Points can be scored based on distance or for hitting specific targets.

Relay Race
This is the grueling grand finale -- much of what’s in it will be based on your imagination, as well as the terrain, size and crowdedness of the beach.

As part of the relay, you can have a kayak race, a fill-the-bucket-with-water event using only your hands, a three-legged race in the water, a beach chair obstacle course or a combat crawl through the sand (maybe under a fishnet).

Vander Vliet recommends you include elements that involve brains over brawn as part of the relay, like a jigsaw puzzle that the team has to complete before advancing (very “Survivor”-esque, no?). “Putting in mental elements is an equalizer if one team is better physically than the other,” he says.

One team challenge that combines both the physical and mental aspects is a paper plate minefield. Blindfold one person per team, and have his teammates verbally guide him around the plates, from one end of the minefield to the other. If he steps on one, he starts over. The options are limitless.
Official rules: Wikipedia.org

If you think an ordinary 5,000-meter race is kind of boring, just add water. And dirt. Then throw in a few military-style obstacles for good measure, and you’ve got a mud run. It’s part serious, grueling athletic competition, and part excuse for thousands of people to act like kindergarteners. Mud runs are booming in popularity, and popping up in different forms -- and degrees of difficulty -- around the country. 

“It’s slower to run in than a road race. And a lot messier. So you don’t care about time, you just compare yourself to how your friends do,” says Jim Gallivan, who entered the Merrell Down and Dirty Mud Run outside Los Angeles this spring, wearing a Beetlejuice costume -- complete with white makeup. (He won a prize for it, by the way.)

Gallivan was one of 3,000 competitors in the sold-out event, which is part of a series of Down and Dirty races -- all in their first year of existence -- being held in four cities in 2010. Another brand-new set of races is the Tough Mudder, which considers itself more punishing than the rest. It doesn’t keep track of entrants’ times, because the goal is just to finish. It’s organizing four events this year and 11 (including an overall championship) next year.

Both the Down and Dirty and Tough Mudder owe their startup success to the granddaddy of mud runs: the Columbia Muddy Buddy Ride and Run Series, created in 1999 and drawing more than 40,000 entrants for its 18 annual competitions. It’s the least intense of the three. “We try to make our competitions as user-friendly as possible. We want just about anybody to be able to do this,” says Bob Babbitt, the Muddy Buddy founder.

Here’s a rundown of each series -- what each event involves and what’s expected of you:

Columbia Muddy Buddy Ride and Run

(Muddy-buddy.competitor.com)

Fitness level:

All levels

Competitors per team:

2

Equipment:

One bike per team, running shoes

The competition:

Each team completes a 6- to 7-mile course that has five obstacles (like crawling on a cargo net, scaling a low wall or crossing a set of monkey bars). Team member No. 1 rides the bike on the dirt course while Team member 2 runs it, until they reach and complete the first obstacle. The team members then switch running and riding duties. The final challenge before reaching the finish line is to crawl through a massive mud bog. If you can run 3 miles in an hour, you can physically compete in this race.

Average race time:

One hour

Costumes:

Optional

Benefits:

Challenged Athletes Foundation

Merrell Down and Dirty National Mud Run Series

(DownAndDirtyMudRun.com)

Fitness level:

Able to handle a 5K or 10K race

Competitors per team:

One

Equipment:

Running shoes

The competition:

The Down and Dirty is essentially a mud-filled, obstacle-strewn trail-running race. You can compete on the 5K or 10K course. You might find yourself scaling a mountain of hay bales, doing the combat crawl under a cargo net or using a rope to climb a wall -- and definitely ending the race by dragging yourself through the mud. The race is geared toward anyone in decent shape, but prep with cardio work and core strength training.

Average race time:

About an hour for the 10K and 45 minutes for the 5K

Costumes:

Encouraged but optional

Benefits:

Operation Gratitude

 

Tough Mudder

(ToughMudder.com)

Fitness level:

Excellent physical condition required

Competitors per team:

You can compete as an individual or within a team of any size

Equipment:

Running shoes, leather gloves (for ropes events), a swim cap

The competition:

A gauntlet of 17 obstacles designed by British Special Forces is placed along a grueling, hilly 7-mile route. You’re very likely to confront a cargo-net climb, underwater tunnels, stream crossings, an obstacle course of flaming straw bales, steep hill ascents and mud. Tough Mudder offers a 17-exercise training program (including a sprint workout, shoulder press, decline push-ups, chin-ups and squats) on its website so you’ll have the proper strength and stamina for the race and its obstacles.

Average race time:

2 hours and 30 minutes

Costumes:

Encouraged but optional; free head-shaving is supplied on-site for the Best Mullet contest during post-race bash

Benefits:

Wounded Warrior Project

It’s softball season, and the teams are choosing sides. Whether it’s a squad of your buddies or your co-workers, you’re expected to be part of it. And while slow-pitch softball -- the type most commonly played recreationally -- is a casual sport, you don’t want to look like a dork out there. So how do you figure out which softball field position you’re best suited to play?

By taking our softball aptitude test:

Find the statements that best describe you, and our experts -- Glen Payne, regional commissioner with the Amateur Softball Association of America (and the coach for Wagner College), and Steve Shortland, coach for the U.S. Men’s National Slow Pitch team -- will assign you your position on the field.

This is you:

I’m a big guy, but I’m kind of slow.

This is you on the field:

“You’re going to play first,” says Payne. “Your major assignment is to cover the bag and catch the ground balls that are occasionally hit to you.” Being big/tall makes you a bigger target for the infielders -- making it easier for them to find you when they need to shoot the ball to you. And while there’s a skill to knowing how to best position yourself on the bag to take the throws, “you can learn how to do that,” explains Payne. “You don’t have to be the most athletic person in the world.”

This is you:

I’m not big and strong, but I’m quick and I have a decent arm.

This is you on the field:

Says Payne, “If I’m a smaller guy with good quickness and a good arm, I can play shortstop. If I have a weaker arm and good quickness, I can play second base because my quickness with the ball will allow me to cover ground and make the double play.”

This is you:

I’m a take-charge guy who likes to be the center of the action.

This is you on the field:

We’re handing you the ball. Pitching in softball -- where the idea is to let everybody hit -- is not about learning how to finesse the batter or record strikeouts. “The pitcher in softball is really the field general,” says Shortland. “He’s involved in every play.”

This is you:

I’m easily distracted. I can’t really focus for too long on … what were we talking about?

This is you on the field:

“Sometimes I watch these recreational games, and the outfielder is out there picking his nose,” says Shortland. “You need to stay alert.” Payne agrees -- and says if you have trouble focusing, the outfield is not the place for you. “I’ve got to put you at third base, where you’ll have to react,” says Payne. It’s not called “the hot corner” for nothing: Third basemen have to stay on their toes (not pick their noses).

This is you:

I can run.

This is you on the field:

“I’m putting you in center field, where your speed covers the most ground for me,” says Payne. “You’re going to close my gaps. I can have a guy in left field who can’t run. So I can give you that responsibility.”

This is you:

I like to talk trash and have some laughs out there.

This is you on the field:

“If you’re going to chatter,” says Payne, “the best place for you is as a catcher, behind the plate.” In part, that’s because there’s really not much else to do back there.